come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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