I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
