Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think my tv is drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
