I want to walk on stilts...naked
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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