hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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