too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
