just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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