Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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