Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
