Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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