So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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