'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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