I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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