All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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