Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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