It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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