yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
