I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
