I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
