I wannas sexs uuuuu
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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