is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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