too bad you live with your parents still
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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