i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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