Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
