My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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