You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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