i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
