Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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