i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
