Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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