i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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