The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
