I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
