i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
