I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
