apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
