So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
