ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
