So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
