Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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