How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
