I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
