i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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