Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
