It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
