so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
