I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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