WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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