Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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