i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
