how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Text me some of your sweat
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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