I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
