There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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