I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
