Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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