last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
